Monday, June 22, 2009
The adage goes "The idle mind is the devil's workshop." I am currently battling an idle state at work due to program cuts and doing my best not to succumb to the ill effects of cerebral scurvy. The corporate compliance training courses have begun to invade my REM sleep with their ethics dialogue. On the plus side I know that if I ever have a question about export control that I can always go to the export control lady whose office spans the coastal beaches of Peru and is a Karate Grandmaster. Freaky dreams aside, idleness is a very real danger and I'm beginning to see just how many things in my day-to-day life are affected by that rotten scoundrel. Awake and arise, O ye slumbering nations!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Fluffy pancakes, fluffy biscuits, and now fluffy galaxies. For years scientists have been perplexed by observations which reveal ‘fluffy’ central regions of merging elliptical galaxies where large black holes reside. As these supermassive black holes unceremoniously binge-eat neighboring stars like Denny’s grand slam specials, one would expect to see a bend rather than a bulge at their cosmic core. Thanks to a team of astronomers made up from
Stellar buffet-style comes with a price. When two supermassive black holes enter the same hen house, feathers fly as rival Alpha-males dance-off to a rendition of MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” while the backlash from their sweet awesome moves slingshots the whole coup of stars off into space and thus giving rise to a fluffy ending.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I am a young and relatively health-minded individual, intimately acquainted with a vast array of trigger comestibles and their "undesired effects" upon the human body. For example, five years ago on a lazy summer day I discovered how ingesting copious amounts of dried prunes may speed up the delicate process of the digestive tract. Unbeknown to me, chicory root extract is a not-so-distant relative to my dried prune buddies. And to evince you of the truth of such claims, take a closer look at the the nutritional facts on the side of the box:
As you can see, a single serving of one bar contains 9 grams of fiber (or ~35% of your daily valuable assuming a 2,000 daily calorie intake), yet despite this figure, the health benefits do not outweigh the potential risk of unleashing a staggering 490g of total farts (or roughly a DV of %6000) into the atmosphere. So what does this mean to the average working Joe? It means you stay in your cubicle, act normal and if anyone offers you a bag of dried prunes, just say no.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."