Wednesday, January 20, 2010

3-2-1 Blast Off

The space shuttle program is due to end this year. The 28.8 million dollar paper weights are on sale and can be yours for only 360 easy payments of $80k. Do you have a hankering to be the ultimate Top Gun in the neighborhood? Well now's your chance. Already marked down 50% from the original asking price, this bargain may even continue to shed percentages points.

In addition, NASA announced the shuttle engines could be purchased separately (between $400k - 800k each), yet no buyers on the prowl. Now NASA is giving them away free on the condition that the desirous party have the wherewithal to haul them away. Let us consult the pocket calculator; a 3.2 ton engine for free or a 2,237 ton shuttle for 28.8 million dollars. Therefore, as I'm currently strapped for cash and one overly-enthusiastic coworker of mine claims his truck can pull one of those engines, I say road trip!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Of Galaxies and Love

**Alert** This message may contain gushy romanticism. You have been warned.

Being an avid follower of all things space (minus the junk), I am fascinated by the motion of planets, stars and galaxies and their interaction between one another as part of a larger, more complex system. The celestial canvas has much in common with the relationship road-map by which we navigate in this Earth life. Our plotted ephemeris is, more often than not, influenced by the external forces of family and friends. So has my course been richly shaped. The planets have aligned in my solar network and it is truly wonderful; I am engaged to the girl of a thousand smiles, Alissa (pronounced Mona Lisa minus 'Mon').

I first met Alissa through the electronically-printed page and knew after reading just a few of her blog posts, that she was the girl I was going to marry - no joke - for time and all eternity. It is common knowledge that even when opportunity knocks, a man still has to get up off his seat and open the door, and no thousand mile journey to way-off door would deter this southern-bound traveler from making future. Open Sesame! Enter Beauty.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Great Balls of Goodness

In the ever elusive quest to increase the gravitational force between myself and the center of the Earth, the fountain of fat remains yet to be discovered - but not on account of any dilly dallying mind you. Peradventure a savory morsel wanders within my arms reach, it's fate shall be sealed inside a mandibular prison.

There is one comestible that has of late attracted my attention. The macadamia nut packs quite a wallop (anybody know the history of the word 'wallop' by chance?); from the shores of it's fatty seas to it's mountainous peaks of fiber. With every bite, I welcome each conspicuous calorie. One, two, a bazillion... To borrow a phrase "it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited."

So in the attempted style of Ogden Nash, I pen my ode to the Macadamia Nut:

Heavenly orbs of triumph,
Always sweet; never bitter,
Makes me feel oh so fitter.